He wore Italian shoes
Like that’s supposed to mean something
I mean I could wear Italian shoes too

— patty larkin

—

One of the perks of running a high fever: Temporary insanity.

And that’s how I came out of the fever dream realizing I had thrown away most of my running shoes.

Longtime readers will recall I have been shamed countless times on the quintessential running blog https://unironedman.com/ for my bottomless pit of shoes. I treat my running shoes the way I treat leftover chicken in the fridge. I’m too scared to eat it, having no idea how old it is, but it seems like such a waste to throw it out. We just peacefully co-exist for no reason.

And so I’ve long had a pile of shoes that I never actually wear. This generally comes down to one of three reasons:

1. They have toooooooo many miles on them, but because of that you have bonded and can’t bear to toss them.

2. There’s something that doesn’t agree with your foot. A seam that rubs on top. A pinkie toe that develops a blister after a few miles. A mysterious pain on the top of your foot midway through the run. Nothing huge, just enough to keep you from wanting to run in them. And so you throw them in the closet until you forget what the problem was. “I wonder why I stopped wearing these?” you will ask. “Oh, that’s why,” you will remember on mile 3.

3. Shoes that seemed like a good idea when you got them, but were not. I am always trying to find the perfect minimalist shoe, but nobody makes them anymore. And so a Nike cross-country school for high school guys is a brilliant choice for a 70-year-old geezer on sidewalks, right? And if the Mount to Coast H1 is the perfect shoe, wouldn’t the Mount to Coast H1 With a Built-In Gaiter be even better? Not so much.

In reality, you end up running in two or maybe three pairs of shoes. I currently rotate the no-gaiter Mount to Coast H1 with an Altra Escalante Racer, because they’re about as different as you can get, giving my legs two entirely different ways to suffer. And then the beloved Inov8 Trail Fly magic shoes for trails.

SO WHAT ARE ALL THOSE OTHER SHOES?

Gone! I seem to have thrown everything out while I was sick. The Marie Kondo school of running a fever. I think I had 17 pairs of shoes pre-COVID. Now there are seven.

In addition to the aforementioned shoes, I still have a pair of adidas Evo SLs. I’m certain that eventually I’ll get what all the buzz about, and I want to still have the shoes when I do. Also a pair of New Balance Rebels that still have a bunch of miles left and I can’t think of a reason to lose them yet, and an older generation Asics Hyper Speed that appear to be brand new. Always a troubling sign, but maybe we’ll go out next week and see what happens.

And, of course, my Nike Waffle Trainers.

These were the first shoes that made me feel like a Real Runner when I was just getting into the business. I had a few pairs of crappy knockoff shoes up to that point, being a poor college student, but when I got these, I knew I had arrived. Also, I knew I wanted waffles. Which is probably why pancakes are still the basis of my ultra fueling system. Old dog, new tricks? Not happening.


Thanks to the Fit PA Fancy Pants Training Plan and COVID Recovery System©, I am being coached by the ghost of Bill Bowerman. All runners know the story of how Bowerman was on the road at a track meet in Tuscaloosa when he had the idea of pouring a rubbery pancake mix into the Holiday Inn breakfast bar’s waffle maker to come up with the perfect running shoes. His life, and mine, were changed forever.

I must’ve put 150 gazillion miles on those things. There wasn’t much to running shoes back in those days, so they lasted forever. That iconic blue with the yellow swoosh in nylon and suede. All-cap NIKE on the back. Goofy waffle nubs on the bottom. A sudden, irresistible urge to just do it.

The only thing that could go wrong? If you happened to be canoeing in Kerrville with Diane and left them on top of the Honda as you drove away, not realizing your mistake until unpacking later that day in Austin. Heart broken. And I never got to say goodbye to Diane before she died.

I have a reproduction pair these days, and they are just how I remember those old shoes. The problem, of course, is that there have been so many technological changes in shoes since then — foam and breathable uppers and air bags and wi-fi — that it’s hard to justify running in them. But it’s still great fun to take them out now and then to remember. Just a pair of running flats, some shorts, a backward baseball cap and the feeling that the perfect run is somewhere just over that next hill. Two shoes and a dream. Where did those days go?

I’m glad that Covid Gary was wise enough not to toss these shoes, even though they’ll likely never be in my rotation.

Because they’ll always be in my heart.

I hope Diane found a good lap pool in the next world.