Desperado, whoa, you ain’t gettin’ no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home.

— Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski

—

Please look closely. This is the only known photo in existence of the elusive Carlo the Hammer.

I first encountered Carlo many years ago when we were in a downtown Mesa gang called the East Valley Tribbianis. We worked the neighborhood from First Avenue over to the Dairy Queen, at which point we would lose interest in gang stuff because Dairy Queen had sundaes, and it’s hard to look intimidating with chocolate syrup running down your gang shirt. (We were a poor gang. We couldn’t afford fancy gang jackets.)

We had us some times. Fighting off hobos, writing love letters to Eddie Vedder, occasionally putting out a newspaper or two. Back when newspapers were a thing.

And then our gang got obliterated by the Phoenix thugs, the Arizona Repubicos. Carlo, the shadowy linchpin of the gang, seemed to disappear.

I got busted for an unfortunate encounter with a dangling participle and served eight years or so at a minimum-security joint in South Texas before returning to Arizona and the scene of the crime.

Still, I figured I had seen the last of him.

And then.

A few years ago, I was standing across from a Wendy’s in Mesa, waiting for a friend who had flown in from New Jersey or New Mexico or Newfoundland — one of those “new” places — who was running in the local marathon. Just minding my own business on the side of the road at the 18-mile mark, wishing she would hurry up so I could happen to walk by the Wendy’s and happen to get a Medium Chocolate Frosty. (I no longer can eat Dairy Queen sundaes because of the emotional trauma.)

And then.

I saw a blur in the distance. A familiar figure, flashing by at maybe a 6:45 pace. Never slowing down. Never breaking stride. Never even looking over. But two words screamed, in that familiar voice:

“GAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY SSSSSMMMMIIIITTTTTHHHH!!!!!!!”

And he was gone.

On a mission to go under 3 hours and unable to stop? Still mad that I mentioned Eddie Vedder was a bit of a sissy boy? Or on the lam for some horrible crime I didn’t even know he had committed with the federales hot on his heels? I still don’t know. Desperados are like that.

Just a streak on the course, and I never saw him again.

And then.

I’m looking at the people entered in next weekend’s race. And there he is.

What do you say to someone you haven’t seen in a hundred years? Do you just pick up where you left off? Do you exchange index cards with a recap from the past few decades? Is it possible to avoid someone for 12 hours on a 500-meter track? Did I ever mention I’m a recluse?

We’re not getting any younger. I’m looking forward to seeing him, I think. I’m not good at that whole “Friends” thing. I was more of a Seinfeld guy.

Old Friends, they shine like diamonds
Old Friends, you can always call
Old Friends, Lord you can’t buy ’em
You know it’s Old Friends after all

Guy Clark used to sing that. And then he died. So I’m skeptical.

I don’t even know that I’ll recognize Carlo. That’s a mighty fuzzy photo.

But then I’m mighty fuzzy these days as well. We shall see. Maybe the aid station will have sundaes.

Oh, yeah. About today’s run. Funny story. When I was first setting up my wish list for Coach Bruce Denton©, I requested Wednesday and Thursday for the traditional ultra back-to-back long runs, with Friday as the third long run day when we eventually got to a point where one was needed. He interpreted that to mean “let’s start back-to-back-to-back long runs immediately and continue them until you die.” Which I actually like a lot. Except maybe for the dying part.

So today was day the third consecutive long run day. Afterwards, Coach Bruce Denton© expressed concern that my numbers seem to indicate I’m tired and what’s up with that. Well, duh. Maybe Coach Bruce Denton© needs a late-night visit from Carlo the Hammer.

But whatever. Carlo awaits. It’s a tiny track. I hope every time he passes me, which I estimate will be 794 times, he yells “GAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY SSSSSMMMMIIIITTTTTHHHH!!!!!!!”

This could be a fun day.

And then I will surely die.

I hope the Dude abides.