Oh the feeling
When you’re reeling
You step lightly
thinking you’re number one

— joan anita barbara armatrading 

—

I let Coach Kim down for the first time today.

I was supposed to run for an hour and a half in zone 2, but the Transplanted Monkey Heart would not cooperate. I suspect chimpanzees are lazy creatures, content to lie around in their monkey lairs while getting up only occasionally to fling monkey feces. Yes, I know chimps are not monkeys. Yes, I learned everything I know about chimpanzees from a Seinfeld episode. He started it.

For whatever reason, the heart wouldn’t rev up today. Maybe it’s time for another round of Quit Taking the Stupid Pill That Keeps Me Alive Because What’s the Point If I Can’t Run in Zone 2 and Avoid Coach Kim’s Evil Stink Eye. That would make an excellent T-shirt, although it would only be available in XL because of the space needed for all those words. I will consult my graphics department.

Maybe it was the ridiculous amount of dust in the air? (It’s like we live in a desert.) Maybe I’m subliminally too lazy to push a little more? Maybe it was the disturbing dream in which our plane was cut in two but continued to fly and a flight attendant was mortally wounded and I was recruited to make phone calls to her relatives to line up pet-sitting services for her dogs and she wanted potato soup and luckily there was a Schlotzsky’s in the back of the plane with a big tub of soup but the guy in charge got mad because i was using a spoon rather than the ladle to scoop out the soup and he banned me from the deli but I bought the entire vat of soup before he threw me out and took it back to the flight attendant who had already died before I could make the calls about the dogs and so I sat eating potato soup with a ladle until the plane crashed. This will fall into the category of “not particularly pleasant dreams.”

But as I recall, the soup was OK for airline soup. Although I learned everything I know about soup from a Seinfeld episode. Jambalaya …

Or.

Maybe it’s the shoes.

I’m having a hard time lately deciding on shoes. I’ve been running mostly in Altra Escalantes. Which brings up the whole zero drop discussion.

And a horrible confession: I CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A ZERO DROP SHOE AND A 6 MM DROP SHOE.

Maybe I can. These shoes always struck me as floppy, and not in a good way. But they’re light and airy and the white color scheme gives me the air of a befuddled orderly in a psychiatric hospital, which is EXACTLY the look I’m going for in my daily runs. But are they better or worse than the rest of the more conventional shoes in the closet?

Beats me. I guess the experiment continues. Back to Mount to Coast tomorrow and forget to take the pill. And stop at the local running store to see if they possibly have Potato Soup GU.

I’m truly sorry, Coach Kim. An 81 percent score for the day’s run in the Fit PA Fancy Pants Training Plan© fills me with shame, if not potato soup. This means I can’t finish the semester with a perfect 100% execution rate unless possibly I can stay after a run for extra credit one day. I’m still figuring out how the ICU works.

Oh, well. I guess it was unrealistic to have hoped for that anyhow. I have a lot of dream dogs I have to take care of now.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new shoe. A new opportunity to ponder the difference between potato soup and potato bisque.

I once found myself on a bicycle tour of the Pacific Coast with a guy named Michael Flores, who each day would pop out of his tent with a big smile and exclaim: “IT’S ANOTHER DAY TO EXCEL!!!!” That is the spirit I will carry forward with this plan.

Or maybe I’ll sleep in.

And anyhow, you can’t get lower than zero …