She looks just like a sparrow,
but she’s strong just like a wrestler
She kneads and pulls and climbs on top
It hurts, but I will try to take it

— jill susan sobule

—

I ran in the morning, so I’m going to the gym in the afternoon.

This can mean only one thing: The temptation to get in a second run.

The weights that I use are upstairs, next to the little indoor track. The little indoor track I love to run on. The little indoor track that is sure to suck me in for a few miles despite Coach Kim’s insistence that we stick to the schedule.

What to do?

I rummage around in the hall closet and find the most uncomfortable shoes I have. A pair of Nike Rival Waffle XC racing flats.

I hate these shoes so much.

I’m no good at buying running shoes. Well, actually I’m VERY good at buying running shoes. Just not any that I can actually wear without regrets. I tend to wake up in the morning with a strange pair of shoes in the bed, shoes I never would have bought if Running Warehouse didn’t run a happy hour special. Why, when I find a shoe I love, do I immediately try something completely different, a shoe where all the reviews agree these things are horrible and you should not waste your money. And then I do.

These shoes managed to offer everything I dislike. They’re too tight and too narrow. They’re a screaming shade of something that demands attention, when I’m longing to go unnoticed. The upper refused to compromise; the laces challenge you to make a knot. They feel like they cost 60 bucks, which they did, and are made for high school maniacs who don’t care.

I bought them on April 18, and have worn them for a grand total of 8.8 miles. This was my shoe of choice for the afternoon.

The yin: The strategy worked perfectly. I had no desire to run on the track. I also had no desire to walk from the car to the gym, or up the stairs, or from weight station to weight station. I also had no desire to go on living. I still desired a Medium Chocolate Frosty, but come on. It’s a Frosty.

The yang: I will walk with a limp for a week and am left with an unnatural yearning for waffles.

despite this, I’m OK with the weight sessions. I have had the Severe Lean for the past couple of races, and a better core is supposed to help. And Coach Kim may or may not have had a role in the unlikely demise of Mr. Chris Cornell, so I’m wary of crossing him.

And in Golden Gate Park
She’ll throw a Frisbee
She’ll bring a dog
And she’ll meet a boy
And they’ll fall in love
And she’ll feel so free
Still walk on his back

I wish Jill Sobule were still alive. I wish I had a Frosty. I wish I didn’t hate these shoes so, so much.

See you again next Monday, hated enemy torture device Nikes. It hurts, but I will try to take it.

I wish I knew it would be worth the weight.

Mostly, I wish you could get a Frosty in a waffle cone …